doph's world
28 June, 2014
Microwave clock
Bleep. The microwave ‘Clock set’ button says bleep. I would
be better off waiting ten minutes, that way I could set it to 13:00 and wouldn’t
have to press the minute button so many times. But where’s the story in that?
What could I have done in ten minutes to cope with the uncertainty of a clock
that just flashes ’00:00’. It is not 00:00, I can tell because sunlight
reflects off the microwave display. I have cereal digesting in my stomache,
which only rarely happens at 00:00. This morning has been productive. I include
a 10:38 lie-in with that, sleep is difficult sometimes so it feels good to have
some in the bank. The flat is cleaner that it was an hour ago, not quite to the
level of Lisa cleaning but it looks like a human could live here, and for now
that will have to do. I unplugged the microwave as part of cleaning, to get in behind the toaster and wipe away crumbs so potential mice can't get to them. I count writing as being productive, I tentatively
declare that is my thing and even frivolous poems and prose like this are part
of what I could later call my life’s work. I can appreciate such things better
now I’m doing the PhD. Even though it’s in lab-based science.
Beep. I poke my head over the kitchen window. The pharmacist
and her colleague in white uniform are locking up across the way, smiling as
they part company. Working on a Saturday morning, when today’s rain has already
fallen, perhaps they each have domestic duties, perhaps social stuff to make
the most of half a day off. I presume the lady in plain clothes, civvies, is the
pharmacist and the other the one who mans the till. In my experience
pharmacists prefer wearing their own clothes. The veg lady returns to her shop
on our side of the street with short hair and small movements. I try to compare
her, perhaps to a small animal, but I will the mouse I saw earlier in our flat to
die in any of three traps. I wouldn't wish that on the veg lady, I start to
think of practical reasons like I want her to live because she sells us food
and provides Lisa with company and chats when selling us melons and nectarines.
There are better reasons I don’t wish death, but for some reason these things
surface first. I suppose I take morality as a given. Perhaps I should call her the fruit lady, that's mostly what we buy from her.
I have a part-finished book on how to write a
PhD thesis in the loo. Not down the pan, it’s in the basket on top of the
cistern with other reading material, including a densely-written book chapter on the basics of chromatography. Most of the reading material is mine, and
it doesn't need to be there because all I read on there at the moment is the
story of Monkey. They’re trying to save a kingdom from oppressive Taoists,
three immortals advising the king of the land and treat Buddhists as slaves.
Ironically, Monkey, then a Buddhist priest, was unable to sit still and is a
monkey of action not of peace. The book does seem biased towards the Buddhists, the introduction says the structure of heaven in those times was considered an almost
replica of bureaucratic setup on earth. As it happens, I read some tweets in the last day or so accusing the BBC of institution-bias when they didn't report on the peoples assembly gathering in London to oppose cuts to public services. I remember considering such a thing
when I was a teenager, thought of writing a novel based on that where there are
spirits each responsible for a certain area or function and each was a bit
human. Perhaps I’ll follow up on that one day (certainly not until 2-odd
years from now).
For a long time, I’ve wrestled with a sort of
existentialism, wondering what I am, what’s my role in the world and why am I
here? In wondering this, I write out problems so I can see them with some
perspective and consider the right course of action. My poem ‘my line’ refers
to this (video here). The general technique started in physics lessons in school, when solving
Newton’s laws of motion. The teacher, Mister Lloyd, set out a framework called ‘given’
and ‘to prove’. We would write out what facts had been given in the question
and what we needed to find out, and then pick the formula that fit the problem.
This was quite a revolution for me, simple being able to express what there is
and what I needed to do. I was quiet as a child, at least I was in public. Only
when I felt safe to do so could I really be me and say what I thought. So I got
a bit lippy when in some lessons, when I knew I could do well academically and
the teacher had no need to criticise me on that level.
I can see this turning into a biographical chapter, but I
don’t want to do that right now. Another time, yes. But what am I avoiding?
Perhaps I should keep going.
These days I’m generally ok at speaking in front of people.
I’ve given several talks as part of the PhD, several to my industrial partners
and one to members of the faculty at the University. Poetry readings are quite
a straightforward thing for me these days, I did an open mic on Thursday at the Arts House cafe and it
was like second nature to me. As an aside, it's a proper laid-back venue, after I quizzed the lady with dyed-blonde locks at the cafe counter she said it was an informal thing. The host Jeremy Toombs rocked up just before 8:30pm with a bushy beard and a cap on, sorted out the basement room whilst welcoming in people with a strong southern US accent. I still got nervous, felt the heart thumping in
my chest before I volunteered, before I stood up. A bit like in Jiu-Jitsu, when
training at ULU at first I couldn’t possibly volunteer myself to practice in
front of everyone else but after training for a few months I would quite
happily go first sometimes. Not that I train at the moment, I have the PhD to
focus on and poetry/prose writing is enough of a hobby, doing two and a PhD
probably needs more hours than there are in the week. Truth be told, it might
be possible but to the detriment of my relationship with Lisa. I’ve waited almost
three decades of my life to find my perfect love and all I really want to do is
be in her company. In some ways I’d like her to train with me, but she doesn’t
like being picked up, and wouldn’t take kindly to receiving atemi. The reason I
mention Jitsu is I’d like to start training again, I think it would help focus
my studies also. When Lis is away on placements, I find myself sprawling my
working day from 9:30am to 8 or 9pm at night. This is fine in that most of that
is lab work or excel work looking through data. But the days when I have to
leave by a sensible time helps me really focus on what I need to get done, and
doing this more regularly could help me. I also need to write, and even when I’m
not training (will probably go twice a week, generally once a week is a bit too
sporadic to really enjoy it. You end up spending most sessions refreshing
yourself and it’s difficult to progress). PhD write, that is. I’ve a paper to
get written on HILIC-CAD, which is progressing ok but it’s becoming urgent that
I get a paper out with me as first author. The advice I’ve heard is that it
makes the viva and marking much easier if your work has already been
peer-reviewed and published. The reason it’s urgent is the Journal of
Chromatography A is putting together a special issue of work presented at the
HPLC 2014 conference in New Orleans. I made a poster for it, and that work on
HILIC-CAD is the meat and potatoes of the paper. So it’s fresh in my mind and I
have some conclusions to draw, this week I’ll crack on and get a draft within a
fortnight or so.
I presented a poster this week, and I feel explaining my work
to non-lab scientists went ok. The Pro-vice chancellor that introduced one of
the oral presentation sessions referenced the conversation he’d had with me a
few moments before, pointing out I struggled to explain it. I thought I’d done
ok and deserved some credit for effort and enthusiasm (also not being
judgemental when someone literally has no idea what I do, even what I work in
the same faculty). From what he said to the lecture theatre, I think he got it
better than he gave himself credit for, as it made sense to me.
It’s now 13:54, so it seems rather than filling ten minutes
I’ve filled an hour with these contemplations. I remember my mum telling me ‘a
writer writes’, and google tells me plenty of others said this too. But I’m a
scientist too and need to find things to write about. The lab whispers like a Jimmy Hendrix song but I need to make lunch and welcome my woman
home. Monday will be the start of a good week.
doph
:o)
¶ 1:21 pm 3 comments
08 June, 2013
Reading at Left Bank, Bristol
Went to Left Bank in Stokes Croft this Wednesday. I signed up to their open mic, and read a few from 'A Brief Flash of Nature' (http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00CVC5MVM).
Here's a video of the reading:
Really enjoyed the evening, I went with some mates from university and got some food next door at the Social. For the most part, it was a musical open mic. The acts included a man singing what seemed to be Cuban music, despite being whiter than I and missing a few teeth. He was really talented though, both in singing and guitar. The act who played the piano was quite good, though it was somewhat reminiscent of the bars in old western films and I half expected someone to enter with a John Wayne swagger.
Fortunately, I got a free pint for performing, and the entrance was free. Also, I put extra thanks in the vid to the chap who works there called Olly, who was both friendly and professional. My mates who are really into playing music agreed he was a fantastic drummer, something he did along with compering, occasionally manning the bar, and being the sound technician.
So all in all, I would highly recommend reading here!
Cheers
doph
:o)
Here's a video of the reading:
Really enjoyed the evening, I went with some mates from university and got some food next door at the Social. For the most part, it was a musical open mic. The acts included a man singing what seemed to be Cuban music, despite being whiter than I and missing a few teeth. He was really talented though, both in singing and guitar. The act who played the piano was quite good, though it was somewhat reminiscent of the bars in old western films and I half expected someone to enter with a John Wayne swagger.
Fortunately, I got a free pint for performing, and the entrance was free. Also, I put extra thanks in the vid to the chap who works there called Olly, who was both friendly and professional. My mates who are really into playing music agreed he was a fantastic drummer, something he did along with compering, occasionally manning the bar, and being the sound technician.
So all in all, I would highly recommend reading here!
Cheers
doph
:o)
Labels: A Brief Flash of Nature, Bristol, Left Bank, Olly, Open Mic, poems, poetry, Stokes Croft, University
¶ 11:56 pm 0 comments
28 May, 2013
'A Brief Flash of Nature' out now!
My first ebook, a collection of about 45 poems, was published just over a week ago:
It's free on Kindle for the first 90 days, and can be read on iphone/ipad, Android, PC and Mac.
The poems are mostly new, mostly content I've written in the last 4 years or so. I hope to be doing some readings in Bristol in the coming months, keep track via twitter @dophuph (https://twitter.com/dophuph)
Cheers!
Joe
:o)
It's free on Kindle for the first 90 days, and can be read on iphone/ipad, Android, PC and Mac.
The poems are mostly new, mostly content I've written in the last 4 years or so. I hope to be doing some readings in Bristol in the coming months, keep track via twitter @dophuph (https://twitter.com/dophuph)
Cheers!
Joe
:o)
Labels: A Brief Flash of Nature, Collection, dophuph, Kindle, poems, poetry
¶ 5:20 pm 0 comments
31 July, 2012
Team BP
Colossi throw javelin and hurdle
Their way in name of branded octane,
Opposite the shiny supermarket that directs one to Earl's court.
That their modern spears are used to
Shove down our throats that which I would
Have watched anyway
Belittles the team gb bandwagon.
But dear, how else do they get funding?
They're being paid to do what they love,
Their true calling, that which your red button
Reveals.
The private invest, the public digest.
Their way in name of branded octane,
Opposite the shiny supermarket that directs one to Earl's court.
That their modern spears are used to
Shove down our throats that which I would
Have watched anyway
Belittles the team gb bandwagon.
But dear, how else do they get funding?
They're being paid to do what they love,
Their true calling, that which your red button
Reveals.
The private invest, the public digest.
Labels: athletes, calling, corporate sponsorship, doph, london, london 2012, olympics, poems, poetry
¶ 9:00 pm 0 comments
10 June, 2012
Telly, memes and internet funnies
Only a short opinion piece here. I won't do references, since it's Sunday night and I have pudding to eat.
The telly people have tried to do programmes before about the latest youtube clip or internet funny. They've tended to be pretty awful, and anyone who wants to see the content will probably just see it through browsing or looking up word-of-mouth recommendations.
Based on my b3ta postings, most people put the content out there for free, looking to give people funnies and get some attention. Rather than focusing on showing the latest video or meme, the telly people should produce something more like a low-brow culture show, which interviews and discusses the work of the people who produce the meme's and funnies.
Time for fruit, jelly and yoghurt in a bowl.
Doph :o)
Based on my b3ta postings, most people put the content out there for free, looking to give people funnies and get some attention. Rather than focusing on showing the latest video or meme, the telly people should produce something more like a low-brow culture show, which interviews and discusses the work of the people who produce the meme's and funnies.
Time for fruit, jelly and yoghurt in a bowl.
Doph :o)
Labels: awful tv, b3ta.com, ideas which lead to no changes at all, memes, youtube
¶ 9:52 pm 0 comments
19 April, 2012
Brilinta lecture
Went to the royal society of chemistry yesterday evening for a lecture. To paraphrase Hagakure, in the stories of old men lie their meritorious deeds.
There was a big focus on a company's culture. AZ focused on designing the right compound, making sure it had the correct properties before then proving it worked. It was raised that this often isn't done in big pharma, often the culture is to do what everyone else is doing rather than sitting down with the right experts and creating a solution that works.
Quite a few times, it was mentioned that other big pharma companies hadn't considered designing a compound which gave the benefits but not the risks. The others went for the simple solution. There was a big focus on the role of chemistry, and medicinal chemists.
The rise of biological products can mean high prices, whereas small compounds are affordable to the people who are ill. There seems to be a belief that chemistry is just something that is outsourced. That the expertise of a chemist is to just make and test a compound. There also seems to be a fragmented approach in the uk to drug discovery, where the partnerships between industry and academia are few and far between. It seems we aren't making the most of our expertise.
An academic in the audience noted that his students tend to choose easy courses or easy solutions, and don't aim for the most effective ones. This indicated that culturally, we're heading down the easy path. This might not get us the answer we need, and we end up with research that finds the simplest answer and not the one that helps us get better, as we are the patients.
Much reference was made to the expanding CRO's, the hope that with their freshly acquired talent from pharma, they'll solve all our problems. Outsourcing the chemistry of drug development abroad seems to lead to disillusioned scientists with talent to spare but no position to fill.
Throughout the evening, including drinks of after-lecture wine, I found myself mulling over the problem, considering the best solution. It was interesting that AZ's strategy was to get the compound right, even down to being orally bioavailable, despite a 15 stage synthesis. It seems some pharmas prefer to fix a compound's bioavailability with formulation work such as spray-drying rather than making the compound's properties fit for purpose.
Like the big pharma companies, I found myself seeking a simple, some would say lazy solution (did I mention the wine?). I brought up the rise of the Project Manager as something which could be culpable for the above culture, that people (particularly in pharma) can get so obsessed with meeting planned deadlines that good decision making goes out the window, and the quickest solution can offer itself up as the best. Thus a series of short term fixes end up with a long term headache. Or is it the Americans? Mergers and acquisitions convert local and national limited companies to ones which answer to multinational shareholders who are only interested in dividends and returns. The people aspect is lost when a compound is chosen based on how quickly it can make money, extreme consequences of which would be the patient dies younger than could have been prevented and the chemist is reduced to a lab monkey. As I said, both are slightly lazy answers and I choose to blame the wine for that.
It seems we need to demand our institutions to provide what we need, and government to support them. We are the focus group, and our taxes pay for what'll be provided. Let's get on with it.
Labels: AZ, Brillinta, chemistry, drug development, Royal Society of Chemistry, RSC, science policy, snacks, UK pharma, wine
¶ 1:19 pm 0 comments
16 February, 2012
Videos!
I've recorded 2 poems, here's Clay bust:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thoNlQ_W1OQ
and 'Sony Ericsson X1i':
http://youtu.be/-wa30fM92dY
Enjoy
Doph
:o) ¶ 12:14 am 0 comments
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thoNlQ_W1OQ
and 'Sony Ericsson X1i':
http://youtu.be/-wa30fM92dY
Enjoy
Doph
:o) ¶ 12:14 am 0 comments
25 September, 2009
Spontaneous poetry from folklore hurricane
Last Sun evening, went to the latest folklore hurricane at the strong rooms, Shoreditch. Had a little go at dj'ing again (i.e. played about 5 songs!). Brought paper n pen n got people in the audience to volunteer words for poems once more.
Probs shouldn't have gone, felt pretty shite. Finally getting better now, been off work for over a week. Phoned the doc the other day, looks like it was probs swine flu, leading to a secondary chest infection. Always end up with bloody chest infections when I get colds/flu. Thought a few hours sitting around drinking lemonade wouldn't do much harm, felt crap when I got in though. Got antibiotics for the chest infection (oxytetracycline), which seem to be clearing it up quite effectively.
Here're the poems I put together, with the help of people in the audience:
on a soft seat
by a table, she sat
a pause between running
happiness in the calm before tomorrow
he heaves, his arms sweat
the oars plunge deep into choppy wet
a child waves from the shore
joy and innocence soon his no more
small paws pad over last night's broken glass
away from belly resonance
the mouse senses sorrow
a moment which passed, a potential not realised
skillful fingers make cuts on hot wax
she scratches when mixing between tracks
head gets hazy
warm instincts overcome melancholic thoughts
the monkey pounces
his friend pees in fear
sharp teeth cut into flesh
blood splashes like waves breaking on a sea shore
she tip toes to the toilet
must not wake the child
lavender in the vase reminds her of her mum
the night ends
she stands
in wait, to collect
the old red cardigan he nanna made her
anxious not to lose
evidence of her warm essence
it clinks into her cup
small penny thrust in aid
her elation, now happy
she walks to the shop for a cup of tea
withered and matchstick thin
he works the weights in desparation
bitter at nature for the frame he was given
her anger rises as the boat sways
beneath in warm water, a lilo rides the waves
she leaps, diving down with fingers first
her neck crunches on splashy impact
soft wet soothes
Bit better than last time's efforts!
doph
:o)
Probs shouldn't have gone, felt pretty shite. Finally getting better now, been off work for over a week. Phoned the doc the other day, looks like it was probs swine flu, leading to a secondary chest infection. Always end up with bloody chest infections when I get colds/flu. Thought a few hours sitting around drinking lemonade wouldn't do much harm, felt crap when I got in though. Got antibiotics for the chest infection (oxytetracycline), which seem to be clearing it up quite effectively.
Here're the poems I put together, with the help of people in the audience:
on a soft seat
by a table, she sat
a pause between running
happiness in the calm before tomorrow
he heaves, his arms sweat
the oars plunge deep into choppy wet
a child waves from the shore
joy and innocence soon his no more
small paws pad over last night's broken glass
away from belly resonance
the mouse senses sorrow
a moment which passed, a potential not realised
skillful fingers make cuts on hot wax
she scratches when mixing between tracks
head gets hazy
warm instincts overcome melancholic thoughts
the monkey pounces
his friend pees in fear
sharp teeth cut into flesh
blood splashes like waves breaking on a sea shore
she tip toes to the toilet
must not wake the child
lavender in the vase reminds her of her mum
the night ends
she stands
in wait, to collect
the old red cardigan he nanna made her
anxious not to lose
evidence of her warm essence
it clinks into her cup
small penny thrust in aid
her elation, now happy
she walks to the shop for a cup of tea
withered and matchstick thin
he works the weights in desparation
bitter at nature for the frame he was given
her anger rises as the boat sways
beneath in warm water, a lilo rides the waves
she leaps, diving down with fingers first
her neck crunches on splashy impact
soft wet soothes
Bit better than last time's efforts!
doph
:o)
Labels: doph, folklore hurricane, poetry, shoreditch, strong rooms, swine flu
¶ 9:03 am 0 comments
23 July, 2009
Folklore hurricane - spontaneous poetry
Spontaneous poetry, done at yesterday's Folklore Hurricane at mau mau on portobello road. Brought a pad n pen along, got some people to chip in a few words and jointly build a poem from there. Think I'll do the same at the next night, was random but cool.
spontaneous poetry...number1:
in mau mau, drinking
how how? thinking
a sight of fresh faces - lust
number 2:
the star in heat
reveals their bitter core
grasping at the silent darkness
number 3:
the wise man grabbed the knife
as his enemy sat, drinking
he touched his weapon, handle of velvet
the hunger - suffocated
not the right moment
number 4:
behind a screen of smoked glass,
his veiny dome throbbing
standing still in wait
for the approach of flesh-coloured fun
number 5:
her intuition is the praise the puntina
to bounce like a rude boy's cortina
within walls like a conical flask
the bar contains her reaction
and a cheeky haiku done by just me:
the pool cue points
her curves and brain aim
a missed shot, and again
doph
:o)
spontaneous poetry...number1:
in mau mau, drinking
how how? thinking
a sight of fresh faces - lust
number 2:
the star in heat
reveals their bitter core
grasping at the silent darkness
number 3:
the wise man grabbed the knife
as his enemy sat, drinking
he touched his weapon, handle of velvet
the hunger - suffocated
not the right moment
number 4:
behind a screen of smoked glass,
his veiny dome throbbing
standing still in wait
for the approach of flesh-coloured fun
number 5:
her intuition is the praise the puntina
to bounce like a rude boy's cortina
within walls like a conical flask
the bar contains her reaction
and a cheeky haiku done by just me:
the pool cue points
her curves and brain aim
a missed shot, and again
doph
:o)
Labels: folklore hurricane
¶ 10:39 pm 0 comments
28 May, 2009
Reading poetry! Out Loud! In front of people!
Wooo!
First time reading out poetry on Tuesday :o) Went to the 'poetry unplugged' evening at the Poetry cafe, near covent garden. Read out beers and sports, was quite well received and even got a few laughs. Think the thumping in my chest has just about calmed though, was nervous as fuck stood by the mic reading it out. Not got a huge amount of experience at public speaking, really bloody helps having it all written down in front of you though :p
After going to the Stratford theatre bar to watch the odd bit of poetry when I was living over the other side of town and not quite having the courage to put my name forward to read one, it's been a long time coming. Think I first said to myself that I'd like to try reading poetry out over 5/6 years ago, back when I was temping in Swansea. Was sat by a Canadian chap called Mike who read out an interesting one about a dark haired woman passing him whilst he lay in a field in portugal. Quite vivid pictures. Might check out the Bristish Haiku society, which he mentioned.
Been getting on well with SOP and form writing at work this week, feels good to be getting into a decent rhythm in the project. Hopefully it'll continue to go well past the point when the inspectors come in to check out the facility in july.
The cycling to n from work is going well for the most part. Only managed 3/5 days last week, which isn't all that bad, on for 4/4 this week though. For a while the ride in was seeming to get a little quicker, though I suspect it's slowed a little the last week or so. Need a little more sleep, methinks. Speaking of which, do I watch an episode of battestar gallactica or go to bed sharpish? Hmmm. The first one of the miniseries was an hour and a bloody half, don't think I should be up past half 12. Again.
Either way, I've run out of vaguely interesting things to say.
Night
doph
:o) ¶ 9:47 pm 0 comments
First time reading out poetry on Tuesday :o) Went to the 'poetry unplugged' evening at the Poetry cafe, near covent garden. Read out beers and sports, was quite well received and even got a few laughs. Think the thumping in my chest has just about calmed though, was nervous as fuck stood by the mic reading it out. Not got a huge amount of experience at public speaking, really bloody helps having it all written down in front of you though :p
After going to the Stratford theatre bar to watch the odd bit of poetry when I was living over the other side of town and not quite having the courage to put my name forward to read one, it's been a long time coming. Think I first said to myself that I'd like to try reading poetry out over 5/6 years ago, back when I was temping in Swansea. Was sat by a Canadian chap called Mike who read out an interesting one about a dark haired woman passing him whilst he lay in a field in portugal. Quite vivid pictures. Might check out the Bristish Haiku society, which he mentioned.
Been getting on well with SOP and form writing at work this week, feels good to be getting into a decent rhythm in the project. Hopefully it'll continue to go well past the point when the inspectors come in to check out the facility in july.
The cycling to n from work is going well for the most part. Only managed 3/5 days last week, which isn't all that bad, on for 4/4 this week though. For a while the ride in was seeming to get a little quicker, though I suspect it's slowed a little the last week or so. Need a little more sleep, methinks. Speaking of which, do I watch an episode of battestar gallactica or go to bed sharpish? Hmmm. The first one of the miniseries was an hour and a bloody half, don't think I should be up past half 12. Again.
Either way, I've run out of vaguely interesting things to say.
Night
doph
:o) ¶ 9:47 pm 0 comments
